How We Hurt Each Other
by Legen
Summary: AU. Buffy is still hurting after Angel leaves her before prom in this version. Spike is still hurting after the loss of Dru. Can they help each other heal? Will buffy except Spike into her life? AllHuman
1. Can She Be Saved?

A/N: I'm still on the beta hunt, so if your interested, hit me up. With that said, I did my best to beta myself so please for give my mistakes. Also, this story does contain drug use and attempted rape scences. So, if your not old enough, or if that stuff bothers you, please dont continue reading. Other then that enjoy.

He had left her, again. Ok so she knew that the first time she had sent him away, and then ran away from him, and her whole life really, but this time it was him. She forced the tears back as she applied her make up, she was NOT going to let him tarnish her good looks. She was going to go out to night , she was going to have fun, and she was going to look good, but she just couldn't stop the tears as they spilled down her cheeks.

_I've been thinking... about our future. And the more I do, the more I feel like us — you and me — being together is unfair to you._

Unfair was the pain she was in right now. Unfair was the embarrassment of going to prom stag. Unfair was that she still wanted him with every fiber of her being and just could not stop thinking of him. Smelling him every where she went. Hearing his voice whispering his love to her in her sleep. That was what was unfair. She set her makeup on the chiffonier, grabbing a few tissues she dabbed at her eyes, taking a few deep breaths to steady herself. This whole pretending to be happy thing was a lot harder then she had thought it was going to be.

The Bronze was expectantly jumpy tonight, with just enough darkness to help hide her true feelings and yet still allow her to portray the false smile that she wanted to. Besides, even if her friends could see through it, they wouldn't comment. They knew what had happen and knew she was putting on a brave face for them.

"Buffy, I'm so glad you decided to come out tonight" Willow gave her most cheery and hopeful smile, wanting Buffy to feel happy and welcomed. It had been three months and Buffy still moped around, barely cutting it in their new college classes. She tried to blame it on the courses being to hard, but Willow knew it was because she still missed Angel. Willow had done everything she could think of to help pull Buffy out of this emotional rut she had thrown her self into and refused to even try to get out of, from loading her up with ice cream and chocolate, to even setting her up with hopeful replacements. That's what tonight was suppose to be about. Buffy had seemed slightly interested in this Parker guy, even if Willow had thought he was kind of sketchy, so he had been invited to the weekly Bronzing. Willow just hope that Buffy would speak more then, the what had become customary, four words to the poor guy.

"Hey, Will," the sadness in her voice betrayed to Willow that she had been crying recently.

"How ya hangin'" not the best question Willow had to admit but she had nothing else.

"You know, same old same old. But I'm here ready to be all with the fun having. So you said that you had a surprise for me?"

"Ooh, ooh, yes," this was new, Buffy at least trying to be happy for them, instead of just smiling at the appropriate times. "I brought a boy." Willow stated matter-of-factly with a nod of her head and a wide smile.

Buffy looked confused. "You brought a boy, Wills, you do know you have a boy friend, I don't think that would go over well with Oz."

Willow giggled slightly shaking her head, but inside beaming with happiness, Buffy had made a joke, 'YAY'.

"Not for me silly," she moved to Buffy's side and pointed to where her guy, Xander, and the new potential Buffy guy were at the bar, getting drinks, "For you."

Buffy groaned inwardly. This was like the third guy in as many weeks that Willow had commandeered to see her, and so far it had never ended well. Didn't Willow understand that she just wasn't ready to move on yet. But she was trying on the new and improved Buffy, and if she wasn't mistaken that was the cute older guy Parker she had met previously. He hadn't seemed to bad. Maybe this once she would give him a try.

"Is that that Parker guy?"

"Yes," Willows happiness couldn't be contained. Buffy had finally reacted to a new guy, double 'YAY'

" Yes, yes that is. So what are we thinking. I've seen you checking him out in the quad a few time. So did I pick a good one this time?" her hopeful expression couldn't not be smiled at. Buffy could see how much this meant to Willow so she groped at the few likings she had for this boy and yanked them to the surface, forcing her self to try and like this guy just a little bit more then she actually did, for her friends sake. Well and maybe just a little for her sake.

"I believe were thinking, I could have a few dances with him, and maybe some conversation, granting he can speak," Buffy smile the thought of an actual good time creeping in to her head. Maybe she would only have to pretend a little.

The guys were headed their way now. Xander smiling in a overly jolly fashion, Oz with is never over used, but always used smirk, and Parker with a shy smile for Buffy when their eyes met.

"Buffy, you look good," Parker handed her a cup and sat on the seat next to her.

"Yes, yes, Buffy you look great, but what I was saying was about this whole not going to college thing I'm trying. My summer of fun, as it can only be called that.." Xander continued on talking about the perks of not going to college right after high school as Buffy and Parker quietly talked.

"So, Xander was telling me that you're a freshmen."

His smile was so nice Buffy had a hard time remembering why it was she hated men. As they talked Willow frequently nudged Oz with a point and a nod in their direction noting the long forgotten smiles that graced Buffy's face.

"You wanna dance?" his request came after a rather informative speech on most profitable ways of the college meal card. Buffy hesitated just long enough for him to notice. "We don't have to if you don't want to, but this is a good band and I like this song so I figured, it might be nice to share it with you." he looked down away from her in slight embarrassment at his sentimental remark. But when he looked up his smile was hopeful if slightly shy. Buffy looked at Willow for affirmation and hopped off the stool when she smiled and nodded. Parker lead her to the dance floor and they began moving to the beat. His hands held hers.

i only want to see  
if you're ok when i'm not around  
asking if you love me  
i love the way you make it sound  
calling you to see  
do i try too hard to make you smile  
to make a smile  
well i will keep calling you to see  
if you're sleepin are you dreamin and  
if you're dreamin are you dreamin of me  
i cant believe  
you actually picked...me

i thought that the world had lost its sway  
(its so hard sometimes)  
then i fell in love with you  
(then came you)  
and you took that away  
(its not so difficult, the world is not so difficult)  
you take away the old  
show me the new  
and i feel like i can fly  
when i stand next to you  
so what if I'm on this phone  
a hundred miles from home  
i take the words you gave  
and send them back to you

"Well, I guess the 'lets make Buffy happy' portion of the evening is going well," Xander didn't seem all that happy about his statement.

Willow scrounged her forehead and slowly pried her eyes away from her best friends first real smile in months. "What do you mean?"

"Well, that guy is clearly a jerk," Xander stated pointing his hand at the pair on the dance floor.

Willows gaze followed his pointing, saw Buffy smiling and could only utter a "Huh?"

"I believe we're at a loss as to how you came to this conclusion." Oz had had been poked at the beginning and end of every smile or happy sigh Buffy had made the entire night and could not really see how things weren't going well.

Xander scoffed. "He's a jerk, I can tell. The way he whispers in her ear, the way he smiles at her like she the best thing since sliced bread," he jerked his head back towards Willow and Oz," He's only after one thing" he stated.

Willow glared at him angrily. "Xander Harris, you stop that right now."

"Stop what," Xander held up his hands in defense. "I'm just sayin' .."

Willow cut him off as she stood up and pointed at him angrily " That, that 'I'm just sayin that this guys no good for Buffy," just like every other guy she's ever dated since you met her."

"Well, I was kinda rig.."

"No, no Xander, you will not start this boy bashing. Buffy's been miserable for months and I don't care what you think about this guy. He's a nice, stable, friendly man that seems to like Buffy a lot, and, and I am not going to sit around and let you help her be sad for the rest of her life. Got it." she firmly placed her resolve face on and stared him down. "Oz, man you got to back me up, the guy is shady." Oz shrugged and tilted his head towards Willow, his customary 'where she goes I follow' response.

"Ok fine, whatever, but don't say I didn't warn you."

"Good," Willow nodded her head and began to pull Oz of his stool, "Now, I feel like dancing, Xander your free to join us, if you want." she gave him her all has now been forgiven smile as she waited for his response. Xander sighed in his defeat but smashed a smile on his face and bounced out onto the floor after her.

"Lets party like its 1999"

Buffy continued to smile into the night. Parker was funny, interesting, and incredibly nice, smiling if not laughing at her jokes, sympathizing with her complaints of college and just being a great guy. Plus Willow, Oz, and Xander had joined them on the dance floor, making this one of the better nights she had had in a long time. The band stopped playing and announced that a new band was up tonight, but it would take a few minutes for them to set up, so the group maneuvered back to their table to catch their breath and have a few drinks.

"Who's this new band, they don't usually have two bands a night," Willow questioned Oz.

"Yeah I didn't recognize that name either, are they not from around here?" Xander added to her comment as he passed out the new round of drinks.

"Um, yeah, their from L.A. I've seen a few times there, their pretty good actually. Ghost of The Robot was the name."

"L.A. huh, kind of three or 10 steps back coming here?" Parker's comment received a blatant glare from Xander, and a slight frown from Willow.

"Well, some of us that were born and raised here kind of like it, and think that LA sucks, what do you think of that?" Xander's hostility was evident and Parker was taken aback.

"Well, I was just saying that.."

Buffy could see this was going no where, she remembered what it was like in LA and had to side more with Xander, Sunnydale was the better of the two, not that she'd ever tell him that. But she knew a guy like Parker would never appreciate the quirky little town they way they did.

"Hey," she jumped in with as peppy a voice as she could muster into the oncoming explosion," Looks like their almost set," she jumped off her stool pulling Parker with her, "Lets go dance some more." Parker glanced to Buffy and back at Xander's glower.

"Sure let's do that." He smiled at Buffy, allowing her to drag him to the dance floor.

"What'd I tell ya Willow, shady," he said as soon as they were out of earshot.

Willow hadn't liked what he said but wasn't going to condemn him of liking a big city compared to their small town.

"Xander," she said in a warning tone.

Xander rolled his eyes, getting of his stool and pulling on his jacket, "What ever, I'm outa here."

"Don't go Xander," Willow called out to him, but he was already to the door. She sighed heavily and slumped on her seat. Oz rubbed her back and kissed her cheek. "You can't win em all."

"I just want all my friends to be happy, ya know," she looked at him hopefully.

"Yeah I know."

Breakdown!

Let the fun and games begin  
She is spayed and broken in  
Skin is cold and white  
Such a lovely lonely night

Heaven is on the way  
You could feel the hate  
but I guess you never will  
I'm on a roll again  
and I want an end  
'cause I feel you creeping in

What I found in this town  
I'm heading for a breakdown  
What's that sound, you're so loud  
I'm heading for a breakdown

Drank up all my alcohol  
This is not a free for all  
I'll be there for you  
'Til my heart is black and blue

Buffy began to sway slightly to the keyboard stings of the music but then jumped, right into Parkers arms as the lead singer screamed out the first word in the song.

"Whoa, that's really not what I expected," she sighed taking a deep breath to slow her heart. She looked up at the stage to see a blast from her past. And her breath caught again. She didn't even hear Parkers "Me neither" as she lost her self in her memories again.

"_You want to go around, pet, I'll have a gay old time of it. You want to stop Angel... we're gonna have to play this a bit differently."_

"_Okay, fine. You're not down with Angel. Why would you ever come to me?"  
"I want Dru back. I want it like it was before we came back. The way she acts around him…" _

Spike had always had a way of throwing all his emotions out on to the floor for every one to see, and consequently step on, but when he sang he threw them out at every one. As he sang you could feel his happiness, or his pain, which was usually the case. Spike. The outside lining of her first falling out with Angel, Spike's image still held a bit of bitterness and animosity for Buffy. And now as their eyes met, he sang to her. Laying out all of his pain at her feet, for a brief moment she swam in her pain mingled slightly with his, she wondered what he was sad about now. Last they had met, it was because his skank of a girl friend had drug him to Sunnydale to find Angel, her exboyfriend that she was still totally in love with. If it hadn't been for the fact that it was Spike's girlfriend that had caused all Buffy's problems with Angel, she might have felt sorry for him. Dru had treated him like crap, and on the one occasion she had seen Spike and Angel together, she could tell where Dru got her courage to do so. The once they had met just the two of them, Spike had seemed incredibly pathetic and insanely in love with a very much insane person. But now, he looked a little healthier, his skin was a little darker, probably from the California sun, but that only made the white of his hair stand out that much more, even if there did appear to be at least a few centimeters of dark roots sprouting from his scalp. She guessed he had dropped the black on black with a slash of red look for image, because he was now donned in dark blue jeans and a purpley black button down shirt that hung half way open reveling, even in the semi darkness of the club, that his new tan ventured further then his face.

Parker had said her name several times and even tugged on her arm slightly, but none of that brought her home from her thoughts. What did it was as he finished the song he winked at her. She was dumbfounded. He winked at her, like they were friends or something. Like the mere thought of every thing he implied wasn't already making tears glisten in her eyes. How dare he. She had gone from sad to pissed off in sheer seconds. She was almost ready to jump up on the stage to slap the now smirk off his face when the words of the song he was now singing hit her.

Your like an infantile  
I knew it all the while  
You sit and try to play me  
Just like you see on TV  
I am an oversight  
Just like a parasite  
Why am I so pathetic  
I know you won't forget it

Just call my name  
You'll be okay  
Your scream is burning through my veins

Sooner or later  
Your gonna hate it  
Go ahead and throw my life away  
Driving me under  
Leaving me out there  
Go ahead and throw my life away

He was in no way implying that she should scream his name. What?? He winked at her again, just as Parker's voice was finally cutting through the now haze of her anger. "Buffy, do you know that guy or something?" his gaze darted from her face to Spike's.

Buffy finally managed control of her self and glared up at Spike, grabbing onto Parker's arm and began tugging him in the direction of the table. "Or something," she choked out, she was on the verge of tears and needed to get out of here and fast.

"Hey Buffy, isn't that Spike up there," Willow didn't notice the tears in her eyes at first but as soon as she did she knew she had asked the wrong question.

"Yeah, that's him. Look, I'm wiped, all this fun havin' after so much not," she paused to take a deep breath, trying her damndest to not hear the music, she pushed back the tears a little harder," I'm just really tired now, and"

Sooner or later  
Your gonna hate it  
Go ahead and throw our life away

She looked at the stage as he finished the song just in time to see him blow her a kiss, and then she didn't know which was going to over come her first, her anger at his arrogance, or her tears. She started heading for the door throwing a brief "I got to get outa here" over her shoulder just before she crashed into a group of people and rammed right threw them and out the door.

Parker stood bewildered at her retreating figure. He turned to Willow with a questioning look.

"Ok, what was that all about? Is that guy like an ex or something."

Willow was stunned in to silence by Buffy's quick exit. She didn't know much about Spike, only that he had been around the first time Buffy and Angel had had a falling out. When she did find her tongue she was torn between trying to patch things up with Parker on Buffy's behalf, and not telling her business if Buffy wasn't ready for him to know.

"Or something," Oz had found the good thing to say for her, as always. He was the best. Parkers confused look told them both that that wasn't enough for him.

"What's that s'pose to mean? 'or something'. That's the same thing she said."

Oz shrugged," Well there you go then."

Parker scoffed at them and grab his jacket, following the path Buffy had taken with a look of determination on his face.

On stage, Spike announced that two songs was all they had tonight, but that they'd be back in a few days with a few more.

Willow sighed heavily as she climbed off her stool and grabbed her jacket.

"Well, at least it was good for a few minutes," the two remaining scoobies grabbed their jackets and headed for the door.

Buffy wondered slowly towards her house. Gah, his arrogance. Her thoughts replayed the words to his songs and the looks he had given her. He had always infused her with heat, usually angry violent heat, but for a fleeting moment, the heat had been passion. She had never denied his good looks, but for just those few seconds his new look cooked with his harsh emotional words had inspired passion in her. Which didn't bother her, Buffy liked passion, that's what had fueled her relationship with Angel. What bothered her was that it had been passion towards him, for him, about him, she wasn't sure. She just knew that the sight of Spike had drug a dirty stick over the slow to heal- still gaping pusstuous wound that was the absence of Angel. A tear streaked down her cheek at the thought of him gone. She should have known that things weren't going to be ok after she came back from running away. Spike was right, whether the words were about her or not, she was broken. She was lost without Angel at her side and couldn't even fathom a direction to begin to head in without him to guide her. But that was why he had left, wasn't it, because she couldn't think without him to be her crutch. Maybe he was right. She took a deep breath to help steady her new thoughts. She was just beginning to wonder if these were the realizations that Angel had wanted her to come to, when there was the sharp pain of some one forcible grabbing her arm and jerking her around.

"Where do you get off ditching me like that," the fury in Parker's eyes was startling. "Wha..?" Buffy began as Parker back handed her. Thrown more by the fact that he had hit her then the actual hit, Buffy fell to the ground.

"What are you talking about?" Buffy asked?

Parkers harsh laugh held no mirth as he looked at the sky in disbelief and repeated what she had just said.

"What am I talking about? I'm talking about how some shit bag singer starts eye fucking you and you go all run 'away bride' on me, with no explanation. I know your all 'emotionally scarred'," he said with stark sarcasm," but nobody leaves me hanging like that." He bent down and grabbed her arm with such pressure that Buffy let out a small cry of pain.

"Especially hot little things like you." he started heading towards an alley with Buffy in tow, mumbling about being left, and not being left. Once they where far enough into the alley that only a little light from the nights full moon illuminated them, he threw her against the hard brick of the alley's wall. All her breath was knocked out of her and the brick ground into the soft flesh of her arm as she began to slide down it. Parker's sharp bark of laughter was unnerving ,but not as much as his words or actions. He reached down and grabbed her arms dragging her back up the wall.

"As great as I think you'd be on your knees, you have already proven to be untrustworthy, so I don't think this first time I'm gonna let your mouth, full of your teeth be hangin' out with my stuff."

Buffy stared at him in shock and confusion. She was still reeling from all that had happened with Spike and the thoughts he had ignited, to even begin to comprehend what was in the process of happening to her. Some were in the back of her head someone was cursing her for wearing a skirt, but she didn't know why. Parker's words finally dawned on her as he turned her around and slammed her front into the wall.

"Walk away from me, bitch, I'll have you crawling back for more," his breath was heavy in her ear as she felt a slight chill on her legs. Parker had hiked her skirt up, holding her to the wall with one, working his belt with the other. Realization of the situation hit Buffy like a brick and she began to struggle. Her mother had forced her to go to self defense classes after the move to Sunnydale, but right now the screaming panic in her head drowned out any one of the several voices trying to tell her what to do to get away from this increasingly atrocious situation. The screaming in her head hadn't quit as the pressure of Parkers hand left her back and she fell to the ground. She thought she heard the sound of flesh viciously hitting flesh, the panic screaming was still to loud. She jerked her skirt back down over her knees and tried to stand up. As she did so a strong, but gentle hand came to rest on her elbow and helped her up. The panicky voice had begun to quit, but at the presence of another's touch, it freaked out again. Buffy jerked away and began screaming, "Get away from me!" Her tear blurred vision couldn't positively identify her rescuer. She struggled slightly as gentle yet strong arms wrapped protectively around her and began a long stream of soothing words of assurance. The smell of leather, cigarette smoke, and alcohol assaulted her sense of smell as her saviors accented voice reached her ears.

"It'll be alright, pet," his hand soothed her hair, she knew exactly who had saved her, and even in light of all the events that had transpired that evening all she could think; was that he smelled _really_ good.


	2. Can He Be Saved?

His head lay on the table next to his last line. The lights were out and so his thoughts wondered to the last time he was in this forsaken town. He didn't know why he had agreed to come to this town the first time. He guessed it was because he had been so wrapped in his love for Drusilla. His sigh was deep as his mind brought her from the past to encircle him in her thin arms. She disappeared as soon as a tendril of anger flared as he remembered what had happened once they had gotten here. The pain of seeing Dru and Angel together was barely softened by this last line's three brothers. He had to use so much now to keep the pain at bay. On the outside of his haze a voice told him that that should bother him. But he just couldn't seem to care. The images of her in his arms, his lips brushing up against hers as her hands had clawed down his back. He loved the way her hands could make him feel so wonderful, and to see her using them on someone that wasn't him had infuriated him beyond belief. It had been a royal beat down to get her back, to get out of this place, only to lose her just a few months later. She had just walk away from him, telling he was covered in that little slip of a girl Angel had had hanging on his arm when they were here. He couldn't even remember her name, only that Angel had called her "his little Slayer", and his dark princess had left him because of her.

"_Why can't you kill her?"_

"_You're the one who keeps bringing her up!"_

"_I haven't said a word about the bloody Slayer since we left California. She's on the other side of the planet, Dru!"_

"_But you're lying! I can still see her floating all around you, laughing. Why? Why won't you push her away?"_

"_But I did, pet. I did it for you. You keep punishing me. Carrying on with creatures like this."_

The lights flashed on and even though his head was down, he squeezed his eyes shut tight against the intrusion. His hand moved over his last line, just incase it was someone he needed to hide it from. Spike slowly pried one eye open to look at who ever was interrupting his pain train. Upon seeing Spike open one eye, Tam's slight fear that this time would be the time he found Spike dead subsided, he nodded to him.

"Sup, dude?" Spike only grunted in response. Tam understood the pain of losing a girl you love, but Spike had taken it to a new level. Drowning himself in drugs, alcohol and rock'n'roll. If Spike hadn't have responded it wouldn't have been the first time Tam would have had to pull him back from the gates of death. As he moved his hand, Tam saw the line, stark white against the darkness of the table. Moving to get a cup of coffee, he gently prodded Spike on the subject.

"Thought you were done with that junk?" He mentally kicked himself as his question seemed to remind Spike that it was there. Tam seemed to be the only one in the band that cared enough about his long time friend to try and pull him off of his self hate path. The last thing he wanted to do was encourage the act. "First off, "Spike turned his gaze to Tam tentatively, "This town has witnessed some truly spectacular kickin's of my ass. Not really somethin' I relish in." The pain that flashed across his friend's face was so evident that even Tam could see it; he knew then that Spike had been thinking of Dru, because he was usually pretty good at keeping his emotions from his face when it came to her. Before her, Tam could have read Spike like a book, during her even, but after, once he'd gotten so far in that Tam wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to pull him out, he kept it all to himself, locked in his platinum head. Probly to make the pain hurt more, tam thought.

"Second off, I've known plenty of bands that got off their feet from playin' here," he bent his head down and sniffed up the line. He leaned back in his chair letting his head hang back with his right thumb over his nostril, as if to hold it all in. Spike slowly let out his breath, moved his hand down, and looked at Tam as if what he was doing was the same as stretching after a run.

"'Sides, I sing way better when I'm high," he nodded his head as if that was reason enough. Tam did have to admit that. Even though Tam couldn't read Spike's face anymore, he could read his voice, and when he sang high, every thing tumbled out, giving their music the edge it needed to rocket them off the ground.

"Come on," Spike rose from his chair and headed for the door," Lets get this town arockin'"

Tam followed Spike to the bar where the rest of the band sat, all of them half way to being drunk already and they hadn't even played yet. He wondered again why they had agreed to give the new town's little club a sneak peek at the things to come. The club's manager had said it would guarantee an audience for their up coming shows. Tam's only comfort was that he knew his band could play, and play well, regardless of the state they were in.

"Nice of you to decide to join us," Spike shrugged and slid onto the seat next to Shane, grabbing his shot as the bartender set it down. He slammed it back, letting the sting of the liquor caress is palate in lieu of registering Shane's protests. Peter and Johnny quickly downed their shots in an act to protect them.

"Dude that was so uncool," Shane snatched up his shot glass, eyeing the bottom, he wiped his finger in the empty glass and licked it.

"You can always get another," Spike leaned against the counter, letting his eyes crawl across the room.

"There anything worth lookin' at in this wretched town?"

"You know, Spike, I don't know why you hate this place so much," Peter began, "Of what I've seen, there is some nice ass in this town."

Johnny laughed, "Yeah, even if every fuckworthy bitch is gracin' us with their presence tonight, there's still enough to go around." Spike wore a scowl on his face that prevented Shane from adding anything. He had seen her. She was moving on the dance floor, dancing her cares away on some jock looking wannabe. Her blond hair flowing back and forth with her movements. Spike was paralyzed at the sight of her. The very epitome of his love life's down fall. God, he hated her so much, but damn she was hot. Spike was suddenly lost in his thoughts of the last time he had seen her.

"_You want to go around, pet, I'll have a gay old time of it. You want to stop Angel... we're gonna have to play this a bit differently."_

"_Okay, fine. You're not down with Angel. Why would you ever come to me?"  
"I want Dru back. I want it like it was before we came back. The way she acts around him…" _

He had felt like such a nancy boy going to her like that. But it seemed only she could stop Dru from being around Angel. He recalled the angry passion that flowed off of her in waves that night. He could have had a gone around with that one and loved every minute of it. That hour or so of plotting to get Dru back with her had been the best hour he had spent in this forsaken town. All because of her. But he had been doing it to get Dru back, because he loved her, and all Drusilla could do was throw it in his face. His anger rose so fast even he didn't see it coming. He turned away from her and the room in general to grip the bar so hard his knuckles stood out white. The rest of the band had been debating over what to songs to sing, when Spike had growled and all but broke the bar with his grip.

"You all right dude?" Peter questioned him cautiously. He had been on the receiving end of Spike's anger before. It hadn't been a night of joy and bubbles.

"I fuckin' hate this town," Spike's whisper was soft but held no anger surprisingly.

"So you've said before, but what's got your undies in a twist now," Peter shot a glare at Johnny, he was standing closest to Spike, so if the very capable Brit decided to lash out, Peter had no doubt that it would be him that would get hit.

"We've go two songs right?" Spike's grip on the bar lessened slowly until it was no more, he flexed his hands in and out of fists a few times and regarded Tam.

"Yeah, why? You just decide what their gonna be?" Tam was glad to see Spike not lash out, but wasn't sure it was good of him to hold it all in either.

"'Course," Spike took in a deep breath closing his eyes, he pushed his anger down. First he'd get her attention, he decided, and then he'd play with her. The manager was getting up on the on stage to announce their performance while Spike let his band in on the songs they would sing, reassuring them that these songs would draw in the crowds next week.

The group set up in silence, this being a routine that they were all familiar with. Spike helped Johnny with his drums because he didn't have anything to set up being a vocals only kind of guy. Shane and Tam worked together with the amps to tune them just right for their guitars. Shane on bass, Tam on lead. While Peter set up his key board, adjusting the height eight times before he was satisfied, muttering under his breath about the stage not being level. Once every thing was set up, Spike moved to the front of the stage, adjusting the microphone's stand. He turned back and looked at his band looking for their customary nod to tell him they were all ready.

"Goodevenin' Sunnydale," he drawled out, the chicks always went for the accent, so he always made sure it was strong when he talked on stage," We're Ghost of The Robot, and we're here to play a few ditties for ya," he turned his head to the ground at a slight angle to his left and began counting off the beat this his head and his foot.

Spike loved this song; Peter's soft keys always lured people in.

Breakdown!

Let the fun and games begin  
She is spayed and broken in  
Skin is cold and white  
Such a lovely lonely night

This song had been written for this forsaken town, so Spike had thought it was only appropriate to sing it first. The majority of the people would never know, but he was sure at least a few would get it, if not reciprocate the feelings.

Heaven is on the way  
You could feel the hate  
but I guess you never will  
I'm on a roll again  
and I want an end  
'cause I feel you creeping in 

What I found in this town  
I'm heading for a breakdown  
What's that sound, you're so loud  
I'm heading for a breakdown

Drank up all my alcohol  
This is not a free for all  
I'll be there for you  
'Til my heart is black and blue

Spike very nearly laughed when she jumped. He had sought her out as soon as he was facing the crowd. The way she jumped into her preppy puppy's arms made him wonder where Angel was. After all their loving sentiments about each other, he found it hard to believe they weren't together any more, but the way he clung to her. Spike recognized that "this is my fuck to night" look in his eyes and could only smirk, wondering if that were her plans as well.

As soon as their eyes met, he was singing to her. He wanted her to know how much he loathed being here, wanted her to know how much pain he was in, wanted her to know it was all her fault. He didn't know why, but he wanted her to know it all, wanted her to fix it. As much as he loved this song, he hated how much truth it held, and he briefly wondered if he would get out of here unscathed. He didn't have anything else to lose. Well his band he guessed, but that wasn't that much really. He had already lost the love of his life, and with her had gone the better half of his sanity. He knew that once they got signed he'd have to leave behind his relatively pain free drug hazes. But he wasn't sure that he could do that. So much had gone when Dru had walked away from him.

And now here he was, back in the town that had been his down fall. Staring down at the girl that had essentially orchestrated it. As he finished 'Breakdown', he winked at her, and relished in the confusion that sprang to her face.

I want a normal life  
just like a new born child  
I am a lover hater  
I am an instigator  
You are an oversight  
Don't try to compromise  
I'll learn to love to hate it  
I am not integrated 

Just call my name  
You'll be okay  
Your scream is burning through my veins

Sooner or later you're gonna hate it  
Go ahead and throw your life away  
Driving me under, leaving me out there  
Go ahead and throw your life away 

He laughed to him self as he sang. He watched her features contort from sad, to confusion to barely contained rage. He watched as the muscles in her jaw twitched as her brain tried to decide what to do. She had hit him once or twice that time they had met, so he knew that she was feisty. He just wondered now, if she would save grace by letting it go, because only she knew he was winking at her, or would she let her anger take over and get on the stage to pop him a good one. The whole while her new boy toy trying to bring her attention back to him.

He knew the instant the words to his song dawned on her. So he winked at her again. Working hard to not let his smirk turn in to a full fledge smile as her temper flared. God, this was fun. If looks could kill, he would have been dust when she glared up at him. She grabbed her boy toy and stalked to a table off the floor. He recognized the red head and the whelp at the table as her friends but he didn't see Angel. Maybe he really wasn't in the picture anymore. Her new beau looked from Spike back to her and back again obviously trying to figure it out. She said a few words to the group and then looked back to him. He was finishing the song and haphazardly pondering the idea of going to her to say 'hey' just for old time's sake. As their eyes met again, all he saw was a reflection of his own eyes, they were full of pain and sadness. For a brief second he felt bad for playing with her mind and just wanted to make it all better. So, he blew a kiss at her, hoping it would help, hoping that she wouldn't take it wrong, knowing she probly would. As she hightailed it out of the club, he was sure she had taken it wrong. He was left staring at her abandoned friends as they tried to placate the scorned boy toy.

Spike distractedly thanked the crowd for their applause and promised them more from where that came from next week, never taking his eyes of Boytoy. And then he saw what, odd that he was surprised about this, he was afraid of. Jealous anger in the boy's eyes just before he tore out of the club after the girl. Guess their plans weren't the same afterall.

He turned back to his band wrapped up in all kinds of confusion. Why was he afraid of the boy's anger? What did he care? Why had he enjoyed singing to her? Why was he now thinking up a reason that he hoped they guys would buy so that he could follow her?

"I gotta boost guys," they all eyed him suspiciously, "got people to see, nightmares to relive, ya know how its goes." All the guys nodded except Tam. Spike grabbed his coat off the edge of the stage as he jumped off followed closely by Tam.

"Spike," he called out. Spike turned back to him with his eyebrow raised, "Yeah?"

"Are you sure that's what you wanna do, man?"

"How do you mean?" Spike was confused, he knew Tam was always concerned about his coming and goings, but he rarely bluntly questioned him on them.

"I saw you eyeballin' that blonde chick. Is she one of the reasons that you hate this town?"

"What are you getting' at, mate?"

Tam sighed, "If she's the cause of your current pain that, if I may remind you, often keeps you in a drunken, drugged stupor a good portion of the time, why would you want to chase after her? You have never really struck me as the masochistic tendencies type, but why go after your pain with a rope and a hot poker?"

"It aint like that," Spike wondered to himself if it really was like that.

"Alright, man, if that's what you want. Just try to be back at the hotel for practice a noon tomorrow."

Spike nodded his head, "Can do."

Spike turned away from Tam shrugging into his jacket, wondering how a guy younger then he could make him feel like a child, to practically follow the red head and her guy out the club into the brisk night air. He followed them for a few minutes and then turned down a different street. He found it unnerving that even after so much time had passed, and how hard he had tried to forget this place and all it encompassed, he still remembered the way to the girls' house. Bloody slayer. All his problems were her bleedin' fault. His anger was quickly rising with his high just about gone. He began coming up with reasons as to how even coming to Sunnydale the first time was her fault.

He was so engrossed in his self made cloud of hate and anger he almost missed the heated conversation coming from an alley way as he passed it. It was dark and they were a good way down the alley, but Spike had good night vision and what he saw pissed him off more then he could have ever imagined. The Boytoy had her front pressed up against the brick walk, holding her there with one hand, making short order of his belt with the other.

Was he really witnessing what he thought he was? The Boytoy was trying to rape his slayer. He had already cut the distance between them in half by the time his words hit him. While Spike's words where hitting him, he was hitting the Boytoy. As hard as he could, a left to the side of the creeps head. The girl fell to the ground, but Spike wasn't done with the creep yet. A quick kick to the bastards gut, Spike thought as he followed through with the action, sending Parker flying in to the alley's wall. Spike turned around to see the blond trying to stand on shaky legs. So he did what seemed most natural, he placed his hand on her elbow to steady her.

"Get away from me," she screamed as tears streamed down her face. His heart broke for her and the situation that that jerk had put her in. He felt a sudden need to comfort her. He wrapped his arms around her shivering, lithe form.

"Shh, love, your safe," his hand moved on its own to gently stroke her hair," It's alright, pet." Holding her close, one thought stood forth in his mind: she smelled _really_ good.


	3. Alittle bit of healing

With his arms wrapped around her Spike could feel her shivering. Although the outfit she had on covered her skin for the most part, the fabric under his fingers didn't feel too thick. Since he wasn't sure if it was because of the events that had just transpired or if the chill of the night air had gotten to her, he let go of her and pulled off his duster. She whimpered slightly at the lost of contact between them but gave a soft sigh when he placed the jacket around her shoulders. Spike placed an arm around her small leather clad shoulders and started moving them out of the alley way. As they passed it, he snatched her purse from is discarded place on the ground.

He figured she was in college now, but didn't have the slightest clue as to where on the campus she would live, so he headed to where he knew she had lived previously. Spike briefly hoped that her mother hadn't moved as they started towards her home on Revello Dr. They made the trip with out much incident, every time her tears would start anew and she stopped in her tracks, he would bring her into his embrace and whisper soft platitudes to calm her. When her tears would abide, he would gently nudge her to move forward towards their destination. Upon arriving to her house, Spike was slightly discomforted to find all the lights out and no vehicle in the drive. If he had remembered correctly, her mother owned some sort of SUV. He moved them onto the porch, reaching for the door handle only to find it lock.

'Balls' He didn't want to break in, especially if she didn't live here any more. He needed a key. Keys! He removed his arm from her shoulders to dig around in her purse, smiling when he pulled out a key ring with three keys on it. As it would always be; the last one on the ring slide into the hole with ease and turned with very little pressure. Pushing the door open, he wondered where her mother was. Not that he was really looking forward to having to retell the story of the evening, not that he even really knew the whole story.

He slowly guided her up the stairs. He cursed himself momentarily; he didn't know which room was hers. He had never been on this floor of the house. He looked at her to ask her but her eyes had taken on a glazed over look. She was in shock, he seriously doubted she would be able to even understand his question, much less give an answer. Stopping in the middle of the hallway, he opened the first door on the right. There was a full size bed in the middle of the room covered in white and yellow comforters, a desk on the right revealed pictures of his blond and her friends.

'Jack pot!' Spike eased the door open further and ushered the girl into the room. He moved her to the bed, quickly throwing the covers aside, setting her on the edge. She had moved her arms into the sleeves of the duster, but with what just happened to her, he had no illusions of even trying to take it back from her right now.

'Sides' he thought, 'Give me a reason to see 'er again.' His hands gentle on her shoulders laid her down and covered her up. He scanned the room, spotting a little stuffed pig on the dresser, after retrieving it, he snuggled it in to her grasp. Her eyes were still wild, if now working on staying open. Kneeling next to the bed he smoothed her hair away from her face.

'God she's beautiful.' The thought hit him like a freight train. "Sshh pet, your safe now, home tucked in your bed. Go to sleep, kitten." He leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on her forehead. As if that had been the key to sleep, her eyes closed, her breath evened, and she did just that. Spike stood and surveyed his surroundings. It didn't look like she lived here any more, mostly because of the few boxes here and there. He knew he should leave, but something inside of him didn't want to go. Some part of his protective nature wanted to stay with her all night, in case she awoke scared and crying. Or incase that bastard knew where she lived. With that being his convicting reason, he moved the chair from the desk so that he could sit and still watch her. He'd leave before daybreak, he decided, but would stay. Incase she needed him.

The night was mostly uneventful. Spike dosed off a few times, but as soon as she started making small whimpers in her sleep he was at her side comforting her, soothing her with his words and light touch on her hair. Only cringing the first few times she called out for Angel in her sleep. While she slept peacefully he wondered how long the poofter had been gone. Couldn't have been to long if she still cried out for him.

'That's not true' his inner self kicked him. 'You still cry for Drusilla, and you've been apart for years, _and _your mother and she's been dead much longer.' Spike sighed to himself that was true. So it could have been last week, it could have been last year. That still left him with no clues about this little ray of sunshine. He fought back the urge more then once to wake her to ask her name. Something was happening to him while he watched her sleep, whether it was good, or bad, he had yet to decide, but he wanted nothing more then to be able to sooth her with her name.

As the first rays of the morning sun began to invade the room, Spike stood and stretched, it had been a long night of singing, fighting, consoling, and deep brain hurting thoughts. He needed a line, or a hundred, that and a cigarette. He checked her again, tucking the covers around her just a little tighter, kissed her head and then moved towards the window. He had locked the door they had entered in from, and since he didn't want anything to be able to get in that didn't have a key once he was gone, this was the best way. It wasn't that hard, he had scrambled out of plenty of windows in his time, many much more uncomfortable then this one. Pulling it mostly closed behind him, he hopped down to the ground, grunting softly. He's own tiredness was beginning to wear on him. A quick peak at his watch told him he could still get at least four hours of sleep before practice. With that in mind, he took off towards the band's hotel.

It was most likely the sun streaming in through the windows to warm her face that woke her. Buffy stretched under the covers, she was warm and happy. And happy? She scrunched her forehead at that. She had slept great, no nightmares that she could remember. That was a first in many many months. She snuggled under the covers again to find Mr. Gordo snuggling with her. Mr. Gordo?? Buffy had left him at her mother's house when she moved into the dorm. Poking her head out from under the blankets she got her first glimpse of her surroundings. She wasn't in her, while comfortable, small bed in the room she shared with Willow. She was in her nice big bed, in her room at her mother's house. How had she gotten here? With the force of a raging storm the night came back to her, causing tears to begin streaming down her face. Her discomfort at being out in general, Seeing Spike to set off all her Angel memories, and then…

'Oh god!' Her hands came to her mouth, but her fingers and her lips never touched. She glanced down at her hands to see them clad in leather.

'What??' And then she remembered. Some one had saved her from that impossibly horrid situation. Some one that had smelled of smoke, alcohol, leather, and very nice cologne. Some one with an English accent and it hadn't been Giles. Spike had saved her from Parker.

"Why?" And then what…brought her home? She absently wondered why he hadn't taken her back to her dorm, but dismissed it knowing she was in no way prepared to face Willow's inevitable questions about her night and why she'd run out. Oh god, she'd have to tell Willow what happened. What HAD happened? Slowly she eased out of her bed, her body seemed intact. Her hand went to her face, wiggling her fingers out of the leather sleeve.

"Where'd I get this?" She gently touched her face where Parker had hit her, it felt bruised. Great, now she was going to look like a battered woman.

'You are..?' One of her voices questioned her self aimed anger. So Parker had hit her, and put her up against the wall. She shuddered as she relived the memories, tears streaming down her face, she tried to wipe them away, but the leather sleeve didn't do much. The leather, where had she gotten this jacket? She stood up noticing it was quite big for her, the bottom brushed the carpet of her floor even though she wore three inch boots. She still had her shoes on? She remembered that she had realized it was Spike, and that she hadn't really cared? His reassuring words calming her into, she guessed a daze, because she didn't really remember anything after being held in his arms. They had been really comfortable. He must have given her his jacket, and brought her home.

'How did he know where I live?… You brought him here once, ditz.' If her inner voice had been a person, Buffy would have glowered at it.

Slowly she took off the jacket, folding it in half she moved it to her nose taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes, remembering what it was like having his arms around her. It had been nice. She draped it over the desk chair that was facing the bed, and began undressing. She didn't feel used, as she guessed she would have felt if Parker had succeeded in his endeavors, but she did feel confused and sad. So, a warm bubble bath was in order.

As she moved around the room she kept eyeing the duster, wondering if he had followed her, if he had set it all up, but if he had stayed all night, if he was still here. On her last though, she quickly covered her self, wildly glancing around the room. But the closet was open, and unless he was under the bed, which she highly doubted, he wasn't in her room. She grabbed a robe. Throwing it on, she headed out and down the stairs, calling for her mother. Hitting the bottom of the stairs she remembered that her mom was at some gallery convention in L.A. Buffy guessed that made things easier and made her way back up stairs to the bathe.

Spike was one of the first ones at practice, which was a huge surprise to Tam. Spike rarely showed up to practice on time, never early. Plus, he looked good, looked clean. Spike had always said he could quit when ever he wanted, but Tam knew that that was a physical impossibility. He had been using for almost two years now; it would take more then one night for him to come clean. What threw him the most though was the slight almost grin on Spike's features. Sure he bore a smirk on occasion to accentuate a comment or woo the possible sponsor, but Spike had never truly smiled in the last few years. His loss of Dru had hit him worse then an anvil dropped on a jelly donut. Tam was glad that he had known Spike before the break up, because if he had not he was sure Spike would be dead. With those thoughts in mind, he was a little taken aback by Spike's sudden punctuality and chipper attitude. If Tam didn't know any better, he would have thought that he looked happy.

"Spike," Tam tilted his head at him.

"Tam," Spike returned with a nod of his own.

Tam eyed him with a questioning glance. Unfazed, Spike kept his unwavering nonchalant gaze.

"So?"

Spikes eyes had drifted to the other guys ambling in and setting up, slowly bringing his eyes back to Tam. "So, what?"

Tam rolled his eyes in exasperation, getting answers from Spike was always like pulling teeth. "So, you're not dead."

Spike shrugged. "Yeah, the breathin' gives me 'way every time. But I doubt that's wha' your questionin'"

Tam moved to lean over the stage next to Spike.

"You left last night kinda flustered. Chasin' after, and correct me if I'm wrong, the beginning of every," he paused thinking for the right word, "Rough time in your life. And now, here you are, back," he gestured at Spike, "not long o.d.ed, lookin' clean, and if I might dare, with a small slice of happy thrown in." Spike raised an eyebrow at the last part.

"So I'm gonna guess that no one exploded last night?"

Spike let his now stoic features curve into a dangerous smirk. "Well I won't say that." Tam quirked an eyebrow. Spike bore no evidence of a fight, but that didn't always mean there hadn't been one. "So what would you say, then?"

Spikes gaze wondered back over the guys, who were putting finishing touches on the set up.

"Eh, you know, I rushed in, saved the day, got the girl," he pushed off the stage just to turn and jump up onto it, "An' lived 'appily ever after." He flashed a huge true smile before turning to the rest of the group with his smirk firmly in place.

"Let's get this party started," he grabbed his mic, ready to go.

Buffy had decided to spend the rest of the weekend at her mother's house; vegging out in front of the TV, watching romance movies, and criticizing kung fu movies. She had tried to surprise her mother with dinner Sunday night upon her return, but ended up just ordering Chinese food; leaving her mother with a load of dishes with scorched bottoms and a trash can full of burnt food. After dinner they sat on the couch catching up.

"It was quite a surprise to find you here when I got back, are you sure everything's ok?"

Her mother knew that she was still in a stint of self aimed anger and world hate, but had been ecstatically relieved when Angel had left. The boy was too old for her baby and would have only brought more trouble then he already had if he had stayed to see Buffy into her collage years.

"Yeah," Buffy paused eyeing her hot chocolate, her mother could tell that she was in deep thought and had been for some time," I just had a rough week."

She paused and looked at her mother with determination…maybe?

"I just realized a lot of stuff, and … I don't know I've just been thinking a lot the last couple of days, and I think that I'm stating to understand why Angel left."

Her mother gaped at her; to say that she was shocked would have been an understatement. She had never liked Angel, for more reasons then just that he was so much older. Joyce had gently pushed as hard as she dared to part the young couple. His final sudden departure had been a god sent in her eyes, only after the months of Buffy's depression had she begun to second guess his absence.

"How so dear?" If Buffy was finally going to come out of her depression, Joyce was not going to say the wrong thing to plunge her back into it.

Hesitantly Buffy continued, "I'm not completely sure yet, but," she paused sighing deeply," I think he left because I needed him so much. Which didn't really make me need him any less, and I just thought I couldn't live with out him, even before he was gone, so that made him actually being gone, almost impossible to live with."

She stopped blushing slightly as she noticed that she had been rambling, but at her mother's soft smile she continued.

"But I ...met this guy, and he made my wheels start to turn in thinking, which hello, not one of my strong points, but I think I'm beginning to get it. And I don't think I need Angel as much as I thought I did, and I think that's what he was trying to teach me. Even if it was like, the crappiest way EVER and totally ripped my heart out and made me completely unable to ever trust men ever again." She finished of very mater-of-factly with a nod.

Her mother smiled slightly; glad to hear these revelations, being as they were exactly what she had told Angel. "He must have been one heck of a guy."

"Who, Angel?" Pure confusion written on her features, Joyce had never been in the "Yay Angel" club.

Joyce's laugh was slight and airy, "No dear, this guy you met."

Confusion was still present on Buffy's face as she obviously went over in her head all that she had just spouted off. Clarity dawning in her eyes the same instance she voiced it.

"Oh you mean Sp…I mean that guy, yeah," She shook her head," No, not really he's ...well," a different kind of confusion, one wrought with frustration and awe, blossomed on her face. Joyce raised an eyebrow at her daughter's sudden change in demeanor. Had she met a new guy that she liked? Would the hole Angel had ripped in her heart soon begin to fill, had it already? Was she getting ready to discredit this new man, as it seemed she was ready to for a brief moment, only to take it back?

"Well….what?" Completely desperate to hear that Buffy had a new guy, or even a potential guy that could take her mind away from Angel. Buffy suddenly started to fidget uncontrollably setting her cup on the table, playing with her shirt, her shorts, and her hair. She stood abruptly.

"Well, um, I think it's late, and I have to go to school tomorrow, sooo, I'm gonna go to bed now," she leaned down to swiftly kissed her mother on the check, and then moved quickly for the stairs. Dumbfounded, her mother stared after her.

"Buffy, it's only 830."

She paused on the first step, "Yeah but I'm super tired from all that burning food and girl talk, and classes have been hard. A good night's sleep will do me good."

She shined her brightest smile, which even at the distance she was at, her mother could see didn't reach her eyes. She hoped she hadn't said something that would have Buffy crying herself to sleep.

"Well, ok dear sleep well; I'll have breakfast ready for you when you wake up."

"Thanks mom, you're the greatest," she smiled again, this time smaller, but more genuine and flounced up the stairs to her room. Leaving Joyce to stare after her wondering whether she should be happy that Buffy was not moping about in a deep depression, or that she was falsely happy to a certain extent, and very aviody.

She had started to go to class on a more regular basic, and studying. Today she sat at the café on campus sipping a latte waiting for Willow. Her face was buried in a book while he prowled around the café. He had spent the last couple of days wondering the college campus in search of his jacket, in search of her. Not having any clue as to where to start, he had spent the last few afternoons wondering aimlessly in hope of a glimpse of her. Spotting his jacket first, he moved closer to see it wrapped tightly around the small, still nameless, girl. 'Finally' thought as he slid into the chair across from her with graceful silence.

"Hey Willow," Buffy's response was automatic with out looking up. She finished her sentence before raising her eyes to stare at his smiling face. He had just been grinning but couldn't help the morph in to a full fledged smile at her confusion.

"Well, I've been called worse, luv, but I'll have to admit a weeping tree is far from the best."

She fish mouthed for what seemed like forever, basking in his smile. He winked at her pulling her from her daze, with a twinkling of the anger his wink from the other night sparked.

"That seat is taken; I'm waiting for some one."

"Are you now?" his smirk was in full force, taunting her.

"Yes, so, um, you can't stay," she tried to sound forceful, but only managed childish.

"But I'm here for a reason," he leered at her in such a way that made goose bumps spring from her flesh.

"And whys that," Buffy's voice held much more confidence then she felt. Was he here to expose the events of the other night? Had he wanted to finish what Parker had started, and just had not because…of some really good reason she couldn't come up with right now.

"Cause, kitten, you 'ave something' I want, something' I need," he drew out the last word with so much seduction and innuendo that she shivered, despite being completely warm and mildly terrified.

"An… and what, ah, what would that be?" She barely managed to stammer out.

'What the hell is wrong with you,' her inner voice was kicking her as she stumbled all over her self just from a few words, 'You know this guy, he's a freakin weenie, don't let him get to you.' She sat up a little straighter trying to strengthen her resolve.

He could see her warring with herself, saw the shiver run over her body at his words. She really was beautiful, so much more so in the sunlight. He had decided a few days back that if he could find her, he was going to make an honest attempt at getting to know her. But he could tell he was already mussing that but by throwing her off guard with his super sexy act, so he tried to turn it down a little.

Pointing at her, he nodded his head in her direction. "That's mine."

He had been a little shocked, and excited to see her in his duster, but also disappointed, because if she just handed it over, he would have no reason to say… walk with her back to her place to get it. She looked at him perplexed.

'His, what the hell was he t…oh.'

"Oh," her voice followed her thoughts.

"Um, yeah well," she hugged it tighter around her body and looked around nervously, "you can't have it."

She had felt safer in this jacket, his jacket, then she had in the last year. She wasn't about to give it up. He quirked a scared eyebrow at her.

"'Cuse me?" he hadn't really expected her to not want to throw it back at his face. They hadn't really parted on the best of terms, and from their last encounter, before the other night, and he had gotten the distinct impression that she did not like him.

Her mind was running on hyper drive to come up with a good reason to keep it with out letting him in on the whole "safest in a long while" feeling it gave her.

"Yeah, you can't have it, cause uh… I have a short sleeve shirt on and it's kinda chilly out here." She knew it was lame; the California weather during the day was nice, despite the autumn months. Only the nights, as of yet, held any chill to them.

This time he raised his other eyebrow at her, giving her a look of complete disbelief.

"Yeah, so…that's why you can't have it back yet. Maybe, maybe when I have another jacket I can change in to, but not now."

As surprised as he was by her response, he decided that this was the opportunity he needed to get to see her again, maybe even spend time with her.

"Ah, ok, but I'll be needin' it back before to long, 's part of the image," he shrugged, and was rewarded with a smile. And that gave him hope, that dastardly thing.

He had been leaning heavily on the table, but now that he had gotten his answer as to whether or not he was going to get is jacket back, he sat back in his chair.

"So how 'bout this, how 'bout you come to the Bronze tonight, or tomorrow, cause I know it's a school night and all," he backpedaled slightly at the skepticism on her face, "You know I 'ave a band and that we'll be in town for a few weeks. So come, see my band, bring you little Scooby gang, and another jacket, 'ave a good time and well see about me getting' me my jacket back, yeah?"

She too sat back in her chair, seeming to ponder his proposal.

"What if I came by myself?" Buffy's voice was hesitant, but her face held courage.

Spike shrugged, "If that's how you wanna play it, makes no difference to me, 's long as your there, I don't care if you bring Santa Claus."

Her laugh was short but cute, and Spike couldn't help but smile.

"Well, I don't think I can arrange good ole Saint Nick, but I think I could manage a Saturday night, is Saturday ok?" she was relaxing a little more by the minute and Spike was elated to be able to see her not on the verge of tears. Which seem to be the picture he always saw her in.

"Saturday's great, luv," in the distance he saw her red headed friend approaching and decided that since this girl was apparently planning on soloing it to the Bronze to met with him, he doubted she wanted her pals in on the plan.

"Well, I gotta jet, pet, but I'll see you Saturday," he rose, his eyes still locked with hers. He had managed to steal her voice again just by the sultry way he confirmed their meeting. She nodded dumbly, and then blushed profusely when he grinned at her.

He had started to turn away when he turned back, "Promise?" Buffy was confused by the desperation, is what it sounded like, in his voice. Suddenly able to say anything if only to comfort him, she repeated the word.

"Promise." His smile was as wide as hers as he turned away and sauntered off, he wasn't that bad to look at in the face, nor as he walked away she decided. Buffy was still wondering what he looked like under his shirt when Willow's smiling face replaced the space Spike's had occupied.

"Hey," she was eyeing Buffy suspiciously after the blonde failed to answer after a few seconds.

"So, who was that?" Willow's question was innocent enough, but suddenly Buffy panicked. The first time Spike had been here, she had painted this harrowing picture of him to her friends, and now she was arranging secret meetings with him, well not secret, but not all inclusive. She knew once they had an idea of some one in their head it wasn't easily changed. But something about Spike this time was different, he was different then the whining loser that had came crawling to her three years ago practically begging her to help him win a girl that was obviously not interested in him. Buffy wondered briefly if he wasn't with Drusilla any more and that's what was different about him. She hoped so, because the way he had been looking at her… Buffy wondered if he could be her final step to healing.

"Oh, um," she shook her head trying to put a disinterested look on her face, "Just some guy wondering about directions."

She almost couldn't believe she had just lied to her friend, her best friend, but it had been really easy.

Willow thought Buffy looked a little off, but once she shook her self out of her thoughts and answered, she seemed ok. Willow figured she had just been lost in Angel related thoughts so let it drop, jumping to the latest news about her and Oz, and another potential for Buffy. She was going on about some T.A. named Riley, apparently from one of their classes. Being as it was another potential Buffy boy friend, and after the disaster with the last one, that she had edited severely in the retelling to save her self trouble, stating in the end that she just didn't like him and didn't want to see him again, Buffy let her thoughts wonder to Spike. This new, improved, kinda really hot Spike. It wasn't until Willow was asking her if she wanted to go to the Bronze tonight with said potential, that Buffy started actually listening.

"So, I was wondering, since we don't have any late afternoon classes today, we could go to the Bronze tonight, and you could, you know get to know Riley a little better."

"Ok," Buffy's reply was almost automatic, taking Willow off guard.

"Um, ok, awesome, that's great," she had anticipated a long drawn out fight, and possibly postponing until Saturday, so Buffy's unexpected eagerness was, well unexpected.

Buffy wasn't in the slightest looking forward to another night of budding boyfriend material. But Spike had offered her to come tonight, so that most likely meant he'd be playing. So she could be on board for that. But she still wasn't going to give the jacket back until Saturday night, and not even then if she could help it.


	4. For Lies Or Truth

For Lies Or Truth

The Bronze was loud but dim as she entered. Tonight had been the first time since Angel had left her that she hadn't cried while she got ready to go out. But she had reason not to tonight. Well, maybe not _reason_. She didn't know what she had. Buffy had jumped on Willow's offer of coming to the Bronze tonight even though she knew it was just to set her up with another guy. But, she smiled thinking about this, he would be here tonight. He had invited her to come see him, and yeah she had turned him down, but she still wanted to see him again. Even just for a few minutes. He made her feel safe.

She gazed around the small club looking for her friends. She had tried to get ready quickly so she could be the first one here, hoping that she might have a chance to talk to Spike before he started playing and before her friends showed up.

They didn't like him. Which, she thought was kind of her fault, but she knew that once their minds were set about some one being a bad person there was no reversing their decision. Hell, if they thought said person was good and turned out to be bad, it was still hard to change them. So she had decided on the walk her that he would be her secret.

Her eyes settled on a form in the back corner, by the bathrooms entrance. It wasn't her friends, it was him. She couldn't help but smile as her heart rate increase. She pulled his jacket closer around her small body and began maneuvering towards him. Spike wasn't as easy to spot in the dim light as he had been the first time she had met him, with his hair half brown and half platinum, but god did he look good with those curls hanging about on his head. Buffy leaned up against a pillar when she was close enough to see him all and hear his voice as he chatted with his band mates.

They were in a loose circle, going over their songs maybe, she figured because their heads were bobbing, each one mimicking their instruments and he was lightly singing, mostly puffs of breath every once in a while an actual word or two. The guy 'playing' the drums looked up and saw her and moved to elbow the guy next to him, who was 'playing' the guitar. This guy smiled, stopped playing and nodded to Spike. She didn't hear him but saw his mouth say, 'Hey man, you've got a visitor.' Spike stopped and looked up at him, and his brow was furrowed in confusion as he turned to look at her. As soon as their eyes met a small smile broke out on his face. Spike couldn't help it, she was beautiful, a ray of sunshine, even in the darkness of the club, and wrapped up in his jacket. Which he might add, looked damn good on her. How much time he had spent in thought about taking it, and everything else, off her tan body that day.

"Ah, yeah, take five I'll be back in a sec," he muttered over his shoulder, his feet already in motion towards her.

"Take ten and then be on stage, lover boy," Tam called out to him before turning to the rest of the guys and dismissing them.

Buffy looked past Spike to the band and gave the guy that had spoken with Spike a small smile. He had called Spike lover boy, she wondered what was up with that. But couldn't continue the thought because there he was. Spike stopped less then a foot away from her.

"Hey," he all but whispered the word. She took his breath away like no one else ever had. Just being this close to her was better then any drug he had ever taken.

"Hey," she returned, she couldn't think straight with him this close. His cologne waft across her nose reminding her of last night, but not the bad part, the good part, the part about being in his arms. She hugged herself and his jacket a little closer, trying to get the smell of the leather permeated with the smell of smoke and alcohol to mix with it. He grinned a little bigger as she pulled his jacket around her tighter. Trying to make his mouth work, Spike shuffled his feet and looked away for a second letting his eyes wonder over the club before coming back to rest on her.

"So, ah, I thought you weren't gonna be 'ere tonight?" he had just remembered that they were supposed to meet up tomorrow.

She looked away briefly with a small nervous laugh that sent shivers up his body.

"Yeah, I wasn't gonna but," her eyes locked with his again, and Buffy found herself laying the truth out, "My friend keeps trying to set me up with all this other guys, which I absolutely hate, but I knew I'd see you here tonight so, I agreed." She blushed and was suddenly completely interested in her feet at her confession.

Spike was floored. She had agreed to something she hated just to see him. That was good. That was really good. But she was embarrassed about it, and he wanted her to be looking at him, so he could see her eyes. He reached his hand out slowly to put a finger under her chin, slowly lifting her head so their eyes could meet. When they did she blushed again, tinting her checks a beautiful color of pink.

"Can I confess something," he asked tentatively. Fear flashed through her eyes. Oh god, Buffy though, now he's gonna think I'm some kind of crazy stalker bitch and call off our date tomorrow…is it really a date?? She questioned herself.

"Hey, hey," he pulled her into his arms at the scared look on her face. And they both sighed.

"What ever you're thinking', don't think that, it's not that, k?" he pulled away from her with regret but wanted to make sure she wasn't scared anymore. There was still a hint of fear in her eyes, but not as much, so he continued.

"I din't mean to scare you, or an'thin', it's just that," he looked down between them in shame for a moment before looking back at her imploring face, "So, I rescued this beautiful woman last night, an' took 'er home, an' all that, but the thing is that," he paused, "I don't rightly know your name." His last word came as all but a whisper.

If he hadn't been getting quitter with each word and she hadn't been straining to hear already Buffy wouldn't have heard him. But at his confession, she couldn't help but laugh. As much as he loved the sound of her laughter, Spike was absolutely mortified. She was laughing at him for not knowing her name, what did this mean? Was she not going to see him tomorrow, was she going to walk away from him now. Had he just flushed any chance of being with her down the crapper? It was her turn to feel bad, as fear raced over his face, Buffy felt slightly ashamed for laughing at him, but it was funny. Their truce from the past, his impromptu hero act, and now looking at her like she was his savior, and he didn't even know her name. She put a hand on his chest in comfort.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh at you, it's just, we've known each other for so long, well I mean, not really, but you know, and then now, with our sudo date tomorrow night, I just assumed you knew."

All Spikes' fear vanished when she mentioned their 'date', if that was how she was looking at it; maybe he still had a chance. He shrugged and shuffled his feet at her words.

"Yeah, well, Angel never really called you by you real name when he mentioned you, and if he did I didn't remember so," he trailed of as her eyes filled with tears when he mentioned Angel, and he froze.

If it want over before it definitely would be now that he had brought up that ponce. If Spike could have kicked himself right then, he would have.

"Wha," she choked back a sob and quickly wiped at her eyes before the tears had a chance to fall.

"What did he call me?"

This wasn't what he wanted to be talking about. So he tried to divert the conversation.

"Look, I'm sorry I brought him up, it's just," she shook her head at him.

"No, don't apologize, that's how we met," she paused," sort of, but um, what did he call me? What name do you know me by?"

"What if it's derogatory and I don't know it," he's eyes pleaded with her," I mean, maybe I could just start over introduce myself and ask for your name." He looked at her hopefully, and was happy to see a small smile on her lips.

"Its ok, I know that it's the only thing you know me by and I won't take offence, I promise."

Spike briefly wonder why she was determined to know, but deep down he knew. A connection with Angel, even a faint one was something. He had been the same way with his dark princess.

"Slayer."

Buffy snorted when Spike finally revealed Angel's pet name for her. Distain filled her voice as she talked about Angel and the name, and Spike hoped that meant she was getting over Angel and he would have a chance.

"That's almost as funny as you not knowing my really name," she seemed almost mad about it, which puzzled Spike.

"Why's that, love?" She wasn't looking at him any more, but he wasn't that bothered by it, he didn't really want to be associated with her memories of Angel.

"Because that was his pet name for me, I was the Slayer of his heart. I kept it safe, and kept other girls away from him even though I as only in high school and he was in college."

She huffed an angry laugh, "But the only way YOU would know of that name, "she pointed at him accusingly," Would have been when he was off trying to fuck _your_ girl. Oh yeah," sarcasm dripped from her words," I protected him against other girls, until his ex whore comes to town looking for a few good nights."

"Hey," Spike said defensively on reflex alone as she offhandedly bad mouthed Dru. Their eyes met hers in fury and hurt, his defensive and confused. Her anger didn't bode well for their budding relationship. But he liked her, and was trying to be over Dru, so Spike caved first.

"Look, I'm sorry for seeming to defend…whatever, and I didn't mean to make you mad, I should have just waited till I heard somebody else say it."

"Hey, Buffy," came from some where behind them and she turn to look to see Willow coming towards her. Spike looked up and recognized the red head, and the name, he had heard it before.

"Like that," he gave small smile," So know I know and all is good, and I am really sorry fo…"

She interrupted him by pulling him around the pillar so Willow wouldn't see him; Buffy didn't want to have that fight with Willow tonight, even though her blood was going a little. Buffy didn't know why she did what she did next, maybe the adrenaline of her anger and hurt, maybe the thrill of being caught, because Willow was only a little ways away and coming, or maybe it was just him. Spike had looked so sad in the face of her anger, and she hadn't meant to hurt him, so she grabbed his arm, pulling him around to the other side of the pillar while her other hand when to the back of his head pulling him down for a brief kiss.

"Its ok, I'm not mad at you," she whispered against his lips, "and my name is Buffy, I'll see you tomorrow."

And then she was gone. Leaving Spike to start at the floor where she had been with his back to the pillar and confusion and wonderment on his face.

Buffy practically floated over to Willow with a half smile on her face and the feel of Spike's lips still lingering on hers. Hhhmmm that had been nice. Buffy was so caught up in remembering the soft brush of his lips that she didn't even here what Willow was talking about.

"Buffy!"

"Hm, yeah? What's up?" Willow was staring at her like Buffy was an alien or something.

"You're smiling and hummy and…"Willow gasped, "Did you meet a boy?"

Willow had seen Buffy talking to what looked like a guy before she disappeared behind the pillar, but when her friend had reappeared, she was alone, but not with out looking like she had just had a great make out session and didn't want to come back to the world. Little did she know she wasn't that far off track. At her comment Buffy was sent into a panic. Had Willow seen Spike, was she going to start giving her the third degree? As Willow waited for Buffy to respond and Buffy searched her mind for excuses as to why she was with Spike, Xander jumped to a stop beside them.

"Hello, ladies. How are my girls tonight?" he pulled them both into a hug.

"In need of air, Xand," Buffy replied causing Xander to release them.

"Ah, who needs air, let's all be vampires and not have to breathe."

Willow sighed and fell into the easy conversation of the pros and cons of being a vampire with her friends, letting go of Buffy's previous lost in the cloud behavior. She had seemed ... happy if Willow wanted to hope. But why? Riley hadn't showed up yet, she thought, and she _had_ been a little thrown by Buffy's quick response to accompanying them to the

Bronze two nights in a row for potential boy time, especially after last night seemed to have been a flop. She just wanted to Buffy to be happy, and decided that she did seem to have been better the last few days, so Willow would just let it go.

"I saw Spike over there with his band, what a loser."

They had moved to a table and were settling in. Buffy's eyes were searching the stage for the blond when Xander's comment hit her ears. As he went on about how much he disliked Spike and regaled the actually very few things he knew and hated about the man, Buffy thought about how hard it would actually be to see Spike on a boyfriend girlfriend like basis. Her thoughts were cut short by the arrival of Oz and Riley.

Willow had seen the troubled look that now plagued her friends face as Xander rambled on and was glad for the interruption that Riley might provide.

"Riley! Hey, Riley this is buffy," Willow gestured from one to the next. Riley had liked Buffy from the first day she and Willow had dropped books on his head, and was elated to finally be able to spend time with her.

"Hey, Buffy." he was nervous and he knew that she most likely didn't go for the shy quiet type but he couldn't help it. She was so pretty and he could help but be a dumbfounded dolt in her presence.

Buffy wasn't really interested in Riley. Yeah, he was cute and all, but he was a big bumbling idiot. His build reminded her to much of Angel, and he seemed like such a lapdog to the professor when they were in class. But this could be good. He seemed like a nice guy, and even as she was thinking up this plan of hers, Buffy felt kind of bad that she would be using him, but she didn't think Riley would ever even figure it out.

"Hey Riley." She tried to sound interested, but knew that if she couldn't pull it off she wouldn't really care. Buffy was sure Willow had given him the 'she's fragile, so go easy on her' speech, so she could just blame it on that. The more Buffy though of this plan the better it was starting to look in her head.

She talked with him, and Spike's band set up. And Riley bought her drinks, and Spike's band began to play. And Buffy dragged Riley out onto the dance floor, but kept her eyes on Spike the whole night. Every time Riley touched her, Buffy wondered what the heck she was doing with him, and why did she feel as if she was betraying Spike. Which would just lead to thoughts of how had she decided that Spike was worth not betraying so fast. Thus, she just stared up at Spike all night, trying to let him know that she was wishing it was him with his hands on her hips, and danced with Riley, who was completely oblivious.

Buffy had convinced that gang to stay until the last song, then reluctantly left with them with one last look over her shoulder to Spike, who was helping put chairs on tables in the club. Telling Willow that she had decided she needed more time with her mom, Buffy resentfully let Riley walk her home. Except that she had had no intentions of going home, so the second house they walked pass, Buffy claimed it was hers, stating that they always used the back door so she was going to have to say goodnight on the front walk.

Buffy shuffled in frustration wanting Riley to be gone so she could back track and hopefully see Spike before the night was over, while Riley shuffled in nervousness hoping he could get a kiss to top the best first date he had ever been on.

"Well, Buffy, I had a really great time tonight."

"Yeah, me too," it took everything in her power to not just walk away from the towering moron.

"Maybe we can do it again some time?"

"Alright that's cool," Buffy wondered offhandedly how he missed the distraction that was evident in her voice.

But the smile on Riley's face as he looked down at her was evidence enough the he didn't catch a syllable, "That's great, well I best be going."

"Ok I'll see you latter," she knew he had wanted a kiss but even if she hadn't decided that he was going to be her cover story, not the lead man, she still wouldn't have been ready of that. Which gave her reason to pause cuase...hey... hadn't she just macked on Spike earlier that same night??? But that was different she told her self as she walked away from the halfwit. I've known him for years. No you haven't; not really, her inner voices warring with them self distracted Buffy so when she ran into something solid she yelped softly.

"You should really pay more 'ttenion to where you walkin', pet" his soft whisper was almost as much of a surprise as having run into him.

With a quick glance behind her to still see Riley milling about on the side walk, she pulled Spike behind the tree that stood just out side of the gate she was going to enter because the doof wouldn't leave, hoping these people didn't have a dog.

"What are you doing here," Buffy's angered whisper made Spike chuckle and raise an eye brow at her.

"Could ask you the same question." Buffy looked at, him and then peeked around the tree to see that Riley was gone. Grabbing Spike by the arm she pulled him out from behind the tree and way from the house. Seeing that Riley was headed in the direction of the club, and subsequently the direction she had previously wanted to take, she headed in the opposite direction with a sigh of frustration that he went that way and a glare for Spike when he chuckled again.

"Seriously, what are you doing here?" she wrapped the duster around her and moved forward towards her mothers' house.

Falling instep beside her, Spike countered her question again.

"Seriously, could ask you the same question. You don't live there," he pointed a thumb back at the house whose yard they had just vacated.

"Yeah well," Buffy didn't really want to tell him that she had been trying to ditch the coed to go back and see him. That would inflate his ego to much and she wasn't sure she wanted to deal with that just yet. Her silence let the sentence fall.

Spike gave her a knowing smirk.

"'s cool, I get it, don't want cap't cardboard knowin' where you hang all your hats so you got some where to go to get away."

Buffy eye him from the corner of her eye wondering if he already knew her plan, and if he did, if he would be cool with it, or mad at the thought of having to be hidden.

"So now why are you here again?" She really was wondering how he had found her, but didn't mean to sound that mean about it. Buffy knew she had succeeded in sounding hateful when he stopped in his tracks with his eyes on the ground.

"I had thought…I just," the way she had been looking at him all night, like she wanted it to be him dancing with her not that lug nut had led Spike to believe that the look she had given him when she left meant to follow her. So he had. Seeing her attempts to loose the buffoon had seemed like he had nailed it on the head. But now the vehemence in her voice, maybe he had gotten it wrong. He didn't want to be pushing to hard. Spike wanted to get to know her. Even with their unintentional rocky past, he was hoping that they would be able to get past all that and at least be friends. She had seemed so strong and vibrant back then. A real fire cracker, but now, especially now, looking at her huddled in his jacket she just looked lost and broken. It tore at his heart to think that some of his actions had helped to break the strong woman she had been, back when she was still just a girl.

Buffy kicked at the ground and cursed her self.

"Hey, look, that came out wrong." It was slightly disconcerting the hopeful look in his eyes as they met hers again, but anything was better then that kicked puppy look he had just shrugged.

"I'm sorry, it just," she stopped and sighed looking at the sky hoping the answers would come to her. All the voices in her head told her to just tell the truth, but she really sucked with that.

"_I'm talking about the people I trust. Who's Drusilla? And don't lie to me. I'm tired of it." _

"_Some lies are necessary." _

"_For what?" _

"_Sometimes the truth is worse. You live long enough, you find that out." _

"_I can take it. I can take the truth."_

Yeah, but lies sucked even more. Sighing she turned to face him, it was now or never and Buffy knew, some how, that she really didn't want to lie to him. Plus, there was the whole he had always seemed to be able to see right through her lies part, which still bothered her.

"My friends think your pond scum." Spike raised an eyebrow at her, not really what he had expected her to say, but nothing that he wasn't already pretty sure was true.

"Ok, so…what?"

She shuffled around nervously, picking at her shirt, the jacket sleeve, looking any where but at Spike. This was a lot harder then she though.

"Ok so look, I'm just gonna lay it out flat, and if you think that it sucks, or that I suck or whatever you can walk away, and" Buffy paused because thinking about him just walking away already kind of scared her, but she wanted to be clean with Spike, and hopefully he'd be truthful in return. Got to give alittle to get alittle.

"And you know that would suck, but if that's the way its gonna be then that's the way its gonna be. So what do you think of that?" She stopped and stared at him expectantly. He stared back at her, he forehead scrunched in confusion.

"So?" she asked getting nervous.

He gave her a confused smirk. "So...you 'avent said anything', just that your gonna."

She looked at him wrapped in her own confusion and then deflated with a sighing laugh, "Guess I did get a little ahead of my self. Ok so, here it is, because the thing is that," she looked away from him again," I think that I might like you… more then, you know, I really aught to like some one that caused my whole life to crumble at my feet. But the thing is, is that my friends kinda…" She moved her head side to side trying to think of the right word to describe their feelings toward him," well, hate is the word that keeps coming to mind. And well the thing is, that their a huge part of my life, and yeah I like you, but from experience, friends last longer then guys, no offence."

"Not taken."

"So I don't really want to alienate my friends, but I kinda wanna… I dunno get to know you better." She looked up at him them hoping he would get it and not make her spell it out.

Spike did get it. She wanted him but didn't want to loose her friends. So his choices were to be the dirty little secret, or to have nothing. He held her gaze for what seemed like hours. Did he want to do that? Did he want her bad enough to hide from her friends and family? Should he think it was good or bad that she wanted to be open to him about this instead of just doing it and letting it blow up latter. Because it would, if he didn't know what she was doing, he knew him self, even now, with the small taste she had given him earlier he was dieing to get more. What could he say to that? 'I like you but my friends don't so it's to the shadows or nothing.' Was she worth that? He turned and walked away from her, Spike couldn't make this decision staring into those green depths that he longed to drown in.

Buffy sighed, nodding her head she tore her eyes from his back to stare at the ground. It was better this way. It would have hurt way more if something had caused a blow up further down the road, and how hard would it have been? How stressful to keep him hidden. Buffy remembered how hard it had been to hide that she was seeing Angel again. It was better this way.

"Ok." Buffy looked up to see Spike standing just a few inches from her.

"Huh?"

"Ok, I can do that."

"What do you mean?" Buffy was confused he had just walked away and now he was here saying he would hide from her friends to be with her.

"You don't want your friends to know about us, cause they hate me, and I could, you know, turn out to be a total ponce anyways so you want to be able to keep them in case I bale. I get that. 'Specially since I'm getting that the great and wonderful Angelus may have recently flew the coup."

She just stared at him in wonderment. So he was either really in to her, which could be bad, for both of them, or he just wanted to get into her pants and didn't plan to stick around long enough for it to matter, which could also be bad. Spike broke through her revelry with a finger on her chin. He had invaded her space to be standing close enough for her breasts to brush his chest when she breathed. The finger under her chin was soft and gentle as it lifted her head to lock her gaze to his.

"Can I just ask for one thing," he's voice was barely over a whisper, and all she could think was great, he's just gonna ask for sex now. But she just nodded her head in response.

"If I stay, if I make you happy, in the long run, will you tell them? I don't want to be a secret forever."

"If you stay, if you make me happy," she smiled wondering how she was ever going to make this work, "I don't think I'd be able to keep you a secret forever."


End file.
